You have two cows...
I found this on Wikipedia. It is so funny and so suitable for expansion, that I had to put it here. Apparently, there is a genre of joke that starts off with the phrase ' you have two cows...'. See Wiki's offerings below:
Atheism: You have two cows. They came from nowhere.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Canadianism: You have two cows. Vous avez deux vaches.
Capitalism: You have two cows. A big cattle company ousts you off the business. You sell your cows and work for the big business.
Communism: You have two cows. Everyone owns all the cows and everyone is equal. If you happen to be in charge of everyone and their cows, you own more of the cows than everyone because you are more equal than they are.
Democracy: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products.
Dyslexia: You have two wocs.
Racism: You have two cows. One of them is brown.
Surrealism: You have two cows. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. '
But I would like to add some of my own:
Scientology: You have two cows. Sell their milk so that you can go for more auditing.
African Nationalist: You have two cows. But they are in AbuDabi. Use your presidential jet to fly there and get them.
Freud: You have two cows. They have udders just like your mother's.
Jean Luc Picard: You have two cows. If they don't have warp capabilities, don't speak to them.
Spock: You have two cows. Fascinating.
James T Kirk: You have two cows. Are either of them single?
Jonathan Archer: You have one cow ( two cows have not been developed yet).
Bill Gates: You have two cows. If one of them is 3 years late, it's a longhorn.
Steve Jobs: You have two cows. I'll work for milk.
Manto: You have two cows. Keep them out of the garlic patch.
Tony Leon: You have two cows. Please get them to vote for me.
Mormon: You have two cows. Moomon and Mooroni.
Homeopathy: You have two cows. Dilute them in 20 000 000 litres of water.
Al Gore: You have two cows. Did you count them properly?
George Bush I: You have two cows. Can I read their lips?
George Bush II: You have two cows. One is for us and the other is against us.
Jessica Simpson: You have two cows. Excluding my sister.
Steven Spielberg: You have Cows II. I'm sorry, I don't do sequels.
JM Coetzee: You have two cows. That's a disgrace.
Roman Polanski: You have two cows. Are they legal?
South African: You had two cows. One has been stolen.
German: You have two cows. They have united into one cow.
Esperanto: Vi havas duajn vacxajn. Cxu ili estas regulara?
posted by Zarathustra @ 3:19 AM
5 Comments:
I have a couple to add:
Klingon: You have two cows. I will kill you for them, and for honour!
The Angel Micheal (A la John Travolta): You have two cows. Battle!
The Hulk: Cows. *grunt*
Matt Damon: Matt Damon!
Tom Cruise: You have two cows. One of them looks like a couch. I shall jump on it and laugh like an idiot. Okay!
King Mswati III: I have given you two cows in exchange for your teenage daughter.
Breatharian: You have two cows. I shall not eat them. Instead I shall sit in the sunlight and consume the air. Pay no attention to that fact that tomorrow morning one of the cows will be missing.
Psychic: I sense you may have eighteen pigs.
John Edward: Someone in this direction has a number of something... less than ten. It starts with a "C".
Neo: There are no cows.
Morpheus: You have two cows for one reason...
Worf: You have two cows. We should destroy them before they threaten the ship!
You guys have too much time!!
Heidi: You have two cows. People will tell you I am one of them. Don't believe them.
Oh, I like that game...
Owen: I can see how you might think you have two cows. I'm not saying you do or don't have two cows, all I'm saying is you're going to have to prove it... because given the fact that you live in a city, it's highly unlikely that you have any cows.
To which we might add:
Brent: You have two cows. Guard them closely, or I might accidentitally knock one over and break it.
I have fallen off my chair from laughing at these, and especially from the ones you added. BUT, I must register a complaint nevertheless: I feel that you have been unfair to Captain Picard. Are you suggesting that Jean Luc is a Warpist???I take it personally. I am affronted. Hmph.
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